old memory

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty
and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for
dinner.

I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this

money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago", the homeless woman told me.

"Will you use it to go shopping instead of bu
ying food?" I asked.

"No, I don't waste time shopping," the homeless woman said. "I need to
spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" I asked.

"Are you NUTS !" replied the homeless woman. " I haven't had my hair done
in 20 years!"

"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going
to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight."

The homeless woman was shocked. "Won't your husband be furious with you
for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

I said, "That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks
like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine."

everyday new jokes with a new education views

A woman is in bed with her lover, who also happens to be her husband'sOne
morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to
take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take
the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and
says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "I
sn't that obvious?")
"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start
at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the
woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could
start at any moment."

"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.

jokes new

A woman is in bed with her lover, who also happens to be her husband's
best friend.

They make love for hours and, afterwards, while they're just lying there,
the phone rings.

Since it's the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. The best friend
listens, only hearing her side of the conversation:

"Hello? Oh, hi... I'm so glad that you called... Really? That's
wonderful.... Well, I'm happy

to
hear you're having such a great time... Oh, that sounds terrific...
Thanks. Okay. Bye bye."

She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?"

"Oh" she replies, "That was my husband telling me all about the wonderful
time he's having on his fishing trip with you."

math teacher

Math Teacher : If a=b and b=c then a=c, now give me the practical example of this principle from real life. Student : I love you sir and you love your daughter which means I love your daughter.

q and A

After answering correct, the teacher said, 'Smith, tell me an
important incident which never happened before'.

Smith: I answered correct today.

math teacher

Math Teacher : If a=b and b=c then a=c, now give me the practical example of this principle from real life.

Student : I love you sir and you love your daughter which means I love your daughter.

say hello

Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?"

One boy answers, "We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to
whoever tells the biggest lie."

"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was
your age I didn't even know what a lie was."

The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher